My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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