do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Randomize
