It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
