Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
honey bunches of taint.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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