I skipped work to stalk him.
my sisters under your porch take her home
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Randomize
