On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
