just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
we should paint friendship bongs
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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