You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
