How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
