and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
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You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
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The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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