Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Randomize