I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
