she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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