JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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