He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Randomize
