I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize