I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
