You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
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once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
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I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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