he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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