i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
