I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
