Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
