Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
