so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
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You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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