You just made me feel so damn special
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
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