Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
