i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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