All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
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He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
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We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
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