Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
