It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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