i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
