its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
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