Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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