her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
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