I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
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