There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
She's the barista slut.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
