It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
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In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
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I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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