What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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