it wasn't lemon gatorade
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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