worst night to have a conscience
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
