Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
