so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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