Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
