we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
