Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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