Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
