So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Someone came in the potted fern
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
