no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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