we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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