at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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