new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
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