respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Randomize
