Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
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