if you like me you must not know who I am
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
