Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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