I molested 6 butterflies tonight
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
