She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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