what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
