Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
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