I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
