put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
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I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
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Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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